Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
