it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
