i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
