Duck Duck Cougar?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
