If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
