im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
