i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
