My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
