Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
