My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
