babies were throwing up all over the place
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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