bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
