I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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