maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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