Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
