He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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