Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
