Having a random hookup so left but love u
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
