oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
