she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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