you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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