pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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