cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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