Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
