Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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