Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
