now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
