He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
