I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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