He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
