just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
