sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
