I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want nice things and good sex
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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