Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
