OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
