So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
