y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
