She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know her cup size but not her name....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
