My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
