Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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