Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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