yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
