...so i touched it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
