There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
