I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
