Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is my gift to your gina
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
