I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
