one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
