Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
