just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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