You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
