Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize