So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
