TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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