I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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