can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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