"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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