He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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