saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
