Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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