Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
