she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How does one acquire holy water?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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