WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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