After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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