If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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