You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
