Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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