my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
