I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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