just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
