Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
