Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize