someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
