those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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