call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
