I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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