we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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