They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
