yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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