I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
