So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
