If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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